The Future of the Future of Ludere Sapiens
Good news, time for reflection, and the things I want to focus on.
You’ve probably noticed by now that I hold many simultaneous interests, from narrative itself to the dynamics of play, to the market mechanics that elevate certain formats, to just weird oddities that fascinate me.
I haven’t been shy of making a review, then a news article, then some philosophical rambling, and so on here on Ludere Sapiens. While I find the process fun and interesting, I’ve always felt it lacking.
Recently I published a post talking about The Future of Ludere Sapiens, and my intent on getting a job writing about games. I did find a job, but funnily enough, it wasn’t writing about them, but rather teaching kids about the basics of game making.
I’m also immensely fortunate that a family member reached out and offered to help me pay for college. I will be able to continue studying game development during this year, and I’m looking forward to sharing my progress, simply because I can, and feel more comfortable doing so.
These two factors combined have brought a certain tranquility to my mind. For once I am not thinking about finding a way to sustain myself and my objectives. I am a privileged person, in that I can keep living with my family while my academic years unfold, so the pressure ends up very manageable.
Such a moment of clarity is rare for me. I’m always pulling in all directions, trying to finish or create something, beginning and planning dozens if not hundreds of projects. It’s been fun at times, but it’s also some of the most draining drivel I’ve had to sort through.
Well, yes, of course, I can be a game news writer, and a critic, write opinion pieces, and do reporting, I also want to be a YouTuber or streamer. Maybe I’ll learn web design. Oh, video editing sounds fun. I’ve been meaning to get into repairing PCs. Oh, is there a new game jam, well- WELL, WALKER, STOP.
I don’t need to run on a treadmill trying to find something that sticks anymore. I can just take a moment and decide what is important to me. I’ve done much thinking, and some painful decisions, but I think I’m ready to say it.
This might surprise you, but this all started because I wanted to… make games.
When I found my answer, I just stared at it blankly. A bit underwhelmed by the simplicity, I almost felt angry. But the reality is deafening. What’s the last time I’ve worked on a game? For more than a few minutes of tinkering, I mean.
I went through the files for saveSCUM, and I think there’s something really cool in there. There are many projects that feel far more doable now, and I want to give them a try.
So… I’ll do them. One project at a time, from very small to quite big and ambitious. I have five projects lined up, to try and make while I keep studying game design in college. Probably a few years' worth of work, I’m guessing around five.
Between these games, my studies, my job, and my social life, what else do I need? Why should I pull myself in any more directions?
Truth be told, there are two exceptions that I hold very dear to my heart.
One is the wonderful people at The Geekiary who have decided to house my ramblings, mostly game reviews and recommendations. I’m happy to help them flesh out the gaming side! It’s a nice side gig that lets me nerd out about games for a few hundred words at a time and recommend them to you. Please check them out!
The other exception is the fantastic folk at Libromancy Studios, a collective of fellow Argentinian game devs who seem to be as set on creating meaningful experiences as I am. I’m assisting with writing and narrative design in their upcoming game The Lost Land of Bahía Blanca. I really hope we can make something special.
Thanks for giving me a chance, guys. I’ll make it a winning bet.
At the end of the day, I am a very introverted individual. I can manage to speak with people and even enjoy a social outing ocasionally, but I don’t feel like I thrive in those conditions. I will never feel as satisfied talking on the spot as I do when I carefully put words and systems together to make a point.
I’d like for my work to speak for itself. I don’t want to be an advocate for the existence of what I do. I’m more than happy to nerd out about the philosophies and ideas and the significance, of course. Tag me any day of the week for that.
But chasing clout seems like a Sisyphean task, and quite honestly, I don’t want to be a YouTuber or a streamer. I don’t want a podcast.
I would like for my games to do the talking. To express themselves, to exist in this air of estrangement and distance that lets anyone see their reflection on it, rather than just hearing me talk.
I can’t avoid having to do marketing, of course. I’ll do it when I reach that point, but I just can’t muster the effort of acting up for a camera or microphone. It’s just not what I love.
Writing, though? I can do that, and I guess you can concede that I can yap for quite a bit when something catches my interest. So I’ll keep doing that. You can see semi-regular game coverage by me on The Geekiary, for the more down-to-earth content.
If you for some reason have a need for the more, ahem, existential and esoteric stuff I often write (Absent Throne comes to mind), good news! That’s what Ludere Sapiens is for.
Ludere Sapiens is made to explore the meaning of play, performance, and our part in narrative. This is a weird, muddy intersection of topics perfect for my more personal diatribes.
Sometimes I just stare at my hands, in awe. I remember being a child and them being so smooth. I was so proud of that. Nowadays my hands are way less smooth, and I've been wondering how much of me has changed without me realizing. How much I maintain just by refusing to acknowledge who I am.
I deal with that question constantly, and I’m guessing you’ve deduced that I’m quite dramatic by now. I feel like I need to be someone new. That someone new is… myself.
I’ve started using a C-PAP machine. Turns out I’ve been living in a haze, joyfully going about my life without a good, well-rested brain, for almost ten years. Maybe twenty.
At first, I didn’t feel any difference. But, a month and a half later… I think I am different. I think I see things clearer, and my senses are sharper.
I’m starting to feel like myself.
And that’s the character I want to be.
I hope you get to play as yourself too. You deserve it. I thought it would never happen to me, but it did. Don’t give up.
Love, Walker
